Mia has come so far from the lifeless baby that I delivered August 13, 2006. She works very hard and has achieved so much. At times her strong willed personality can be challenging but I remind myself that it's that will along with a ton of prayers that has gotten her this far.
Mia has taught me so much. I think I appreciate life much more now because of her. She is one of the sweetest kids and she loves people. She has touched so many hearts and brightens even the gloomiest of days.
I am thankful that Mia is able to walk. She is not as strong as her peers and she easily loses her balance, but she can walk! I love hearing Mia talk and each and every day she is making progress to more intelligible speech. Though she isn't good with reciting numbers or the alphabet she has a memory like no other. I am amazed at not only the things that she remembers but the small details that she remembers. I know her mind works perfectly.
Mia is a super big sister. She is always taking care of her baby brother. I love to 'spy' on Mia and Ethan doing things together. Today Ethan was trying to take her cookie even though he already had a cookie in one hand he wanted one in both hands. Mia continued to eat her cookie and didn't get mad she just reached into the bowl and grabbed another cookie and handed it to Ethan. That is just a small example of Mia taking care of her brother.
Lately Mia has become very independent insisting she can 'do it myself!' It is very cute to watch her try to do daily tasks all by herself. Often it takes her a little longer to complete the task, but she CAN DO IT!
Mia is confident. She is happy. Mia did ask me a few weeks ago when Ethan was going to start wearing SMO's. That broke my heart a little but also made me realize that's her 'normal' and she doesn't see wearing SMO's as any big deal. In fact she has SMO's as well as inserts so she can alternate, but lately she has requested to only wear the SMO's. The SMO's do provide more support and stability for her.
I continue to pray for Mia. I pray that her life will not always have to be this challenging. She is going to do great things in her life, I have no doubt. She already has done so many great things. I love my sweet baby girl.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Delivery
Apparently breathing through the mask worked wonders. I woke up to an extremely itchy nose but as I went to scratch it I realized I was still wearing an oxygen mask. The room was empty and to my right all I see is a door. I have no idea what this room is and not only do I have an itchy nose but I am still so thirsty. I look to my left and I see a nurse and I say 'my nose itches' and she comes over and removes the oxygen mask. At this point I have no idea what is going on, I barely know where I am and I am not pregnant anymore but I don't hear or see a crying baby. I don't even see my husband. Why am I all alone? This isn't right. I was here for the happiest day of my life yet I am in a bed, numb and alone. The nurse says 'Have you gotten to see him yet?' I replied 'him? I had a boy?' I went so overboard with pink that towards the end of my pregnancy my biggest fear was delivering a boy. The nurse says 'I don't know what you had, don't you know what you were supposed to have?' Me: 'I was supposed to have a girl, but I had a bad feeling towards the end that she was going to be a he.' The nurse walks out of the room as I lay helpless in this bed. I still feel foggy from the drugs and I can't move.
Finally Mike walks in and asks how I am doing. I don't believe I replied I think I just asked where our baby was and was she really a she. He said 'Yes it's a girl and her name is Mia. They are just checking her out a little more.' I asked if he was able to cut the umbilical cord and he said 'no.' I said how come? He just said 'I don't know.' At this point I am realizing more is going on than what I am being told. I am just so confused, where is my baby and what is wrong with her? It is 2006 in this day of modern technology and a quote unquote normal pregnancy how can anything be wrong with my baby?
Mike leaves the room and said he was going to check on the baby. When Mike was gone the nurse came back in and I asked her for some water. I said I've been asking for a drink forever, I am so thirsty. She said I could have ice chips. Fine I will take ice chips at this point I will drink from the toilet, someone just help me. She then asked if I had a camera and of course we did this was labor day! She suggested I have Mike take pictures of the baby just in case. Just in case? Just in case what I wonder?
Mike returns to give me the straight forward real details. Our daughter was born at 8:38am, just 9 minutes after checking into labor and delivery. He was not present in the room and he was left in the dark. He was asking doctors and nurses what was going on but wasn't getting answers. He walks over to the door of the operating room and that is when he sees an imagine that he still can't out of his mind. Me laying on an operating table with a drape over me and above the drape he sees Mia's blue and lifeless body being lifted up. She was vigorously resuscitated and intubated and moved directly to the neonatal intensive care unit. In the NICU she was hooked up to monitoring equipment and given medications. When Mike spoke to the doctors they said they do not know what caused Mia to lose oxygen during labor/delivery, her cord was not wrapped around her neck or in a knot. For whatever reason labor was too much for her and she was losing oxygen which was why her heart rate was so low. The doctor then explained that after suffering respiratory distress like Mia did there was a chance that she would not make it through the first 24-48 hours.
So what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives was quickly turned into one of the scariest and most painful days ever. Pathology of the placenta revealed no abnormalities. To this day we do not have an answer as to why Mia's heart rate dropped so low and why she was not breathing at birth. What we did have was a birth diagnosis of Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE).
To Be Continued...
Finally Mike walks in and asks how I am doing. I don't believe I replied I think I just asked where our baby was and was she really a she. He said 'Yes it's a girl and her name is Mia. They are just checking her out a little more.' I asked if he was able to cut the umbilical cord and he said 'no.' I said how come? He just said 'I don't know.' At this point I am realizing more is going on than what I am being told. I am just so confused, where is my baby and what is wrong with her? It is 2006 in this day of modern technology and a quote unquote normal pregnancy how can anything be wrong with my baby?
Mike leaves the room and said he was going to check on the baby. When Mike was gone the nurse came back in and I asked her for some water. I said I've been asking for a drink forever, I am so thirsty. She said I could have ice chips. Fine I will take ice chips at this point I will drink from the toilet, someone just help me. She then asked if I had a camera and of course we did this was labor day! She suggested I have Mike take pictures of the baby just in case. Just in case? Just in case what I wonder?
Mike returns to give me the straight forward real details. Our daughter was born at 8:38am, just 9 minutes after checking into labor and delivery. He was not present in the room and he was left in the dark. He was asking doctors and nurses what was going on but wasn't getting answers. He walks over to the door of the operating room and that is when he sees an imagine that he still can't out of his mind. Me laying on an operating table with a drape over me and above the drape he sees Mia's blue and lifeless body being lifted up. She was vigorously resuscitated and intubated and moved directly to the neonatal intensive care unit. In the NICU she was hooked up to monitoring equipment and given medications. When Mike spoke to the doctors they said they do not know what caused Mia to lose oxygen during labor/delivery, her cord was not wrapped around her neck or in a knot. For whatever reason labor was too much for her and she was losing oxygen which was why her heart rate was so low. The doctor then explained that after suffering respiratory distress like Mia did there was a chance that she would not make it through the first 24-48 hours.
So what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives was quickly turned into one of the scariest and most painful days ever. Pathology of the placenta revealed no abnormalities. To this day we do not have an answer as to why Mia's heart rate dropped so low and why she was not breathing at birth. What we did have was a birth diagnosis of Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE).
To Be Continued...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Intermission
Three years ago for about 4 or 5 months I blogged and I liked it. Things in my life we're going off track, Mia was missing more and more milestones while everyone else around me seemed so happy, their kids were on track or ahead of schedule and blogging was no longer helpful for me. A few times since then I have tried to blog again and just didn't really stick with it. I decided to give blogging another shot. It is a great way for me to get these thoughts and emotions out of my head. I also think it's a great way for me to see how far Mia has come as well as acknowledge the emotional journey this has been for me. I truly believe God has a plan for Mia. I do believe Mia has touched and continues to touch a lot of lives and she is my living and breathing proof that God does answer prayers.
I decided to do an 'intermission' post verses continuing on to 'The Delivery' post. I realized that though I am often forced to recount Mia's birth when meeting new people or new doctors blogging about it last night forced me to acknowledge the true depth of pain I still have. I often do feel cheated and from a religious standpoint I feel wrong for feeling that way as God does have a perfect plan'. Often times I look around and it seems like everyone has 'typical' kids and their life is 'so easy'. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but sometimes it seems like it is.
Having Mia has taught me so much, so much more than I would have ever learned had labor gone according to my plan. I've learned to appreciate life, struggles and people with disabilities. I've learned to be more compassionate, less judgmental and I've learned even more how important my faith in God is.
I decided to do an 'intermission' post verses continuing on to 'The Delivery' post. I realized that though I am often forced to recount Mia's birth when meeting new people or new doctors blogging about it last night forced me to acknowledge the true depth of pain I still have. I often do feel cheated and from a religious standpoint I feel wrong for feeling that way as God does have a perfect plan'. Often times I look around and it seems like everyone has 'typical' kids and their life is 'so easy'. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but sometimes it seems like it is.
Having Mia has taught me so much, so much more than I would have ever learned had labor gone according to my plan. I've learned to appreciate life, struggles and people with disabilities. I've learned to be more compassionate, less judgmental and I've learned even more how important my faith in God is.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
The Labor
Like many first time parents emotions run high and once labor hits those emotions run even higher. About 7pm Saturday, August 12th I started to feel what I thought were true labor contractions. My due date was August 9, 2006 so I was a few days after my estimated due date. The contractions were mild, just felt like my tummy was getting tight. I did my normal routine that evening and went to bed fairly early as we had church the next morning. During the night I literally was up every hour on the hour going to the bathroom. At 5 in the morning I woke once again but decided to roll over because I had 1 more hour before I had to be out of bed. As I rolled over I felt a sharp pain and at that point the contractions were coming very frequently and getting more and more painful. I got up and went to the bathroom. I had a horrible stomach ache and was sweating. I took a warm bath and shaved my legs in preparation for my big LABOR DAY!
I was putting my make up on and fighting off the pain of the contractions. I eventually woke Mike up to tell him the good news, our baby girl was going to be here soon!! I also called my mom and my sister to tell them the news. I was still feeling very hot and kept buckling over in pain. I was finishing getting ready and Mike was making arrangements for our friend to come and pick up our dog. I got to the point where I could no longer stand the pain and I told Mike we better go. I was dying of thirst, but forgot to grab water on the way out.
We get ourselves into the car and head to the hospital. We get to the freeway and there is traffic! Oh this pain is intense, I can't even stand to be sitting. I am using the handle on the roof of the car to keep my butt off the seat of the car. It hurts so much, I am pleading with God to take this pain away. Mike manages to quickly get around the traffic, maybe he even drove on the shoulder I really don't know as I was in so much pain.
We arrive at the hospital and Mike asks if I want my stuff out of the car. I said no as I figure he will have plenty of time to go back to the car to get my blanket, pillow, the camera and the camcorder. We walk to the entrance of the hospital and we both draw a blank as to where Labor and Delivery is. Since it is a Sunday there is hardly a sole in sight. Mike goes to look at the directory and I lean against the wall in pain and dying of thirst. Suddenly I remember how to get to l&d, I call for Mike but the pain is so intense i hardly have the energy to yell for him. He makes his way back and I tell him I know where to go. We get in the elevator and get to the check in desk, it is 8:29 am. I am begging for water, no one helps me though. They take me to triage and ask me to change my clothes and get into the bed. I am having yet another contraction, they were coming like every few seconds. i tell her I am dying and I can't get into the bed. I beg for water. She laughs at me and tells me I am not dying and ignores my request for water.
Finally I get myself into the bed and I tell the other patients (I never saw any of them face to face) that I am sorry if I am being too loud. The nurse asks me where the baby's heartbeat is usually detected and I was in so much pain I had no idea. Next thing I know several doctors come in along with an ultrasound machine. I am still experiencing terrible contractions. They hook up the u/s machine and I hear " I found it, but it's really low" and in my mind I am like oh no I can't have an epidurral I am ready to push?! Then I hear that I am dialed to a 3 and I need to be wheeled to the operating room right away. As they wheel me away they crash the gurney into the wall as the idiot Dr. Comeaux asks if she should just take me to the recovery room. At this point I have no idea whats going on but in my head I feel like they are all overreacting.
I get into the o/r and they ask me to get on the operating table. Nobody assisted me and I am in pain, oh and I am still so thirsty it is unbelievable. I get on the operating table and from behind someone grabs my hand and stabs me with an IV needle, I shouted ouch and jerked my hand. A little warning would have been nice. At almost the same time they give me a mask and tell me to breath in so I can go to sleep. I protest and say, wait a minute I don't understand why I have to go to sleep people have c-sections awake all of the time. At this point finally someone tells me what's going on. I am told that the baby is in distress and they don't have time to wait for me to do a c-section while I am awake. At this point I feel another painful contraction coming so I decide to breath through the mask in hopes of not feeling the full pain of this contraction.
To Be Continued...
I was putting my make up on and fighting off the pain of the contractions. I eventually woke Mike up to tell him the good news, our baby girl was going to be here soon!! I also called my mom and my sister to tell them the news. I was still feeling very hot and kept buckling over in pain. I was finishing getting ready and Mike was making arrangements for our friend to come and pick up our dog. I got to the point where I could no longer stand the pain and I told Mike we better go. I was dying of thirst, but forgot to grab water on the way out.
We get ourselves into the car and head to the hospital. We get to the freeway and there is traffic! Oh this pain is intense, I can't even stand to be sitting. I am using the handle on the roof of the car to keep my butt off the seat of the car. It hurts so much, I am pleading with God to take this pain away. Mike manages to quickly get around the traffic, maybe he even drove on the shoulder I really don't know as I was in so much pain.
We arrive at the hospital and Mike asks if I want my stuff out of the car. I said no as I figure he will have plenty of time to go back to the car to get my blanket, pillow, the camera and the camcorder. We walk to the entrance of the hospital and we both draw a blank as to where Labor and Delivery is. Since it is a Sunday there is hardly a sole in sight. Mike goes to look at the directory and I lean against the wall in pain and dying of thirst. Suddenly I remember how to get to l&d, I call for Mike but the pain is so intense i hardly have the energy to yell for him. He makes his way back and I tell him I know where to go. We get in the elevator and get to the check in desk, it is 8:29 am. I am begging for water, no one helps me though. They take me to triage and ask me to change my clothes and get into the bed. I am having yet another contraction, they were coming like every few seconds. i tell her I am dying and I can't get into the bed. I beg for water. She laughs at me and tells me I am not dying and ignores my request for water.
Finally I get myself into the bed and I tell the other patients (I never saw any of them face to face) that I am sorry if I am being too loud. The nurse asks me where the baby's heartbeat is usually detected and I was in so much pain I had no idea. Next thing I know several doctors come in along with an ultrasound machine. I am still experiencing terrible contractions. They hook up the u/s machine and I hear " I found it, but it's really low" and in my mind I am like oh no I can't have an epidurral I am ready to push?! Then I hear that I am dialed to a 3 and I need to be wheeled to the operating room right away. As they wheel me away they crash the gurney into the wall as the idiot Dr. Comeaux asks if she should just take me to the recovery room. At this point I have no idea whats going on but in my head I feel like they are all overreacting.
I get into the o/r and they ask me to get on the operating table. Nobody assisted me and I am in pain, oh and I am still so thirsty it is unbelievable. I get on the operating table and from behind someone grabs my hand and stabs me with an IV needle, I shouted ouch and jerked my hand. A little warning would have been nice. At almost the same time they give me a mask and tell me to breath in so I can go to sleep. I protest and say, wait a minute I don't understand why I have to go to sleep people have c-sections awake all of the time. At this point finally someone tells me what's going on. I am told that the baby is in distress and they don't have time to wait for me to do a c-section while I am awake. At this point I feel another painful contraction coming so I decide to breath through the mask in hopes of not feeling the full pain of this contraction.
To Be Continued...
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